Conspiracy Theorists, unite!

After spending the last few days steeping myself in conspiracy theory, seeking out controversial and unconfirmed reports, and spuriously connecting of the "the dots", here's what I've come up with:

The government planned 9/11, paid the Saudis to make 9/11 happen, which fomented anti-Arab sentiment in the US, which forced us to go after an Arab regime, which we did in taking down the Taliban, even though the Saudis supported them, but it was ok, because they just went next door to friendly Pakistan (and ally of us and the Saudis) and were provided safe haven until we had shown the American people that we had taken care of them. Then, riding a wave of hyper-aggression throughout the country, we went ahead and took down Saddam for the Saudis, creating an Iraq that could be taken over by Sunni extremists sympathetic to the rest of the region, giving them an easier inroad to Iran, which could then be overrun by Sunni crescent as well.

The Bush Administration engineered the Democrat victory in the '06 congressional elections to get people focused on global warming and, more importantly, the Iraq War now that they have finished their objective there, while they have once again started funneling money through the Saudis to get terrorists to plan a new attack on the scale of 9/11 in order to declare a state of national emergency via Executive Order, installing nationwide martial law, suspending the constitution, exerting posse comitatus, exploiting the recent repeal of habeas corpus, and rounding up overly vocal dissenters (no longer under the guise of terrorism, but 'pandemic'; notice how anthrax, West Nile, SARS, Mad Cow Disease, and Bird Flu have all of a sudden become 'the coming pandemic!" since 9/11, but never seem to affect the US yet [trial phase?]. Why weren't we 'due for a pandemic' during the Clinton years?) and placing them in the detention camps being built around the country by KBR (a subsidiary of Halliburton) claiming to be quarantining them, but in reality it would be concentration camps.

The US and the Arab world will then try to get the UN and EU on board to attempt to take down China before they become too powerful. Europe will resist and we will go ahead anyway. India will join with the US, seeing an opportunity to assert themselves as a new superpower. It will be the US, India, Japan, the Arab World, and (just for kicks) Australia fighting China, the EU, Russia, Latin America (led by Hugo Chavez), North and South Korea, and Israel, (abandoning the US for their allegiance to the Sunni Arabs) in World War 3.


Let's see you cook up something better than that!
or this: