Snap Out Of It, American Athletes in Non-Major Sports

Sunday, the Indianapolis 500 was run again, except this time instead of the Indy 500, it was a pathetic Indianapolis 415, shortest 500 in 30 years. How can you crown a winner of a 200 lap race after only 166? Sure it was raining, but why can't we pull the cars back out Monday or Tuesday after the storm blows through and finish it up? And to top it all off, the event was "won" by a Scotsman. A freaking skirt, err, kilt-wearing, competitive log-throwing, Paolo Nutini-listening Scot. Sorry, Dario Franchitti, I know you got the jug o' milk on Sunday, but you will forever be asterisked in my book for winning some of the Indy 500.

Today (or yesterday) at the French Open, the American men went 0-8, including our last best hopes James Blake and Andy Roddick. Of course, Roddick already set his sights low coming into the event, ""Different goals. Going into Wimbledon or the (U.S.) Open, it's like, 'OK, I'm looking to make a run to a final here, and here, I want to make the second week." The next highest ranked American was reportedly forced to withdraw with injury sustained kicking a field goal during a visit with an NFL Europe team, as if we didn't already think poorly enough of tennis players. Getting yourself a notch below NFL Europe kicker in the sports pantheon is putting you down toward being on par with an MLS goalie. This view is only further enhanced by the controversy of Andy Roddick's super guns on the cover of a recent issue of Men's Fitness Magazine. Judge for yourself:

Regular Roddick

Super Roddick


And in a sad irony, the hockey team from Anaheim of all places in up 1-0 in the Stanley Cup finals over a team from Canada.

What is this world coming to?