Thanksgiving is Here (almost) or: There's A Reason Most People Eat Turkey Only Once A Year

Thanksgiving is a wonderful American tradition, dating back to the Massachussets pilgrims, thanking Squanto and the local injuns for teaching them farming techniques in the New England climate through the winter of 1620-21, while the tribes thanked the pilgrims for introducing malaria and other such maladies to the region. All in all, a delightful display of reciprocity.

Today, Thanksgiving is little more than an excuse to overeat and ring in the "Christmas shopping season". Of course, for many in this country, overeating and overspending is business as usual; nevertheless, we continue to "give thanks" with a parade courtesy of Macy's, a Cowboys football game, and a giant family feast every November.

And oh what a feast it is: mac & cheese, cornbread, ham, black eyed peas, cranberry sauce, "pillowy mounds of mashed po-ta-toes, butter drenched dressing, tiny onions swimming in a sea of cream sauce", and of course.... turkey.

Ahhh, turkey. The one fowl deemed fit to serve as the Thanksgiving piece d'resistance. Why? Who knows. There is apparently some evidence that the pilgrims may have eaten, among other items, swan and seal (really think about that for a second....now read on) at the first Thanksgiving, but turkey has evolved into the role of centerpiece. And what a sad thing that is, and you know why:
Turkey is dreadful.

Of all the meats out there, they (whomever "they" are/were) decided the biggest feast of the year would have turkey as its cornerstone. What were they thinking? The driest, blandest, arguably the most boring food there is. Pretty much everything capable of being ingested and digested in the human body tastes better than turkey. I've had good turkey and I've had bad turkey, and it's all the same: Awful. Same goes for pumpkin-based products. Anything that is "pumpkin _____" = terrible. I know this reads like heresy for those of you T'Day purists out there, but I'm just telling the truth. Those items are woeful, and should have no place on your table come Thursday. Think about it, for a week after Thanksgiving there is leftover turkey sitting in the fridge. Is there ever leftover barbecue sitting in the fridge for a week? No sir, it's too delicious to just let is sit there. It's not because there's just more turkey. It's because it's bad and we just don't want to admit it. I tend to be all for traditions, but this is one I would be glad to see fall by the wayside.

Then again, if turkey wasn't such a big deal on Thanksgiving, people might serve it more frequently throughout the year and that would be tragic. Just think if chicken and turkey switched roles in the American food culture. Kentucky Fried Turkey, anyone? Ol' Col. Sanders would need more than his trademark 16 herbs and spices. He'd be better off serving up Kentucky Fried Swan.