The First Line Says it All

Sometimes you're scouring the net for something entertaining and you find a headline that seems to have promise, then you read the first line of the story...and that's all you need. That one sentence perfectly tells the whole ridiculous story and there is no need to read on. I give you examples from just the last 24 hours or so:

Exhibit A:
Headline: Guns N Roses cancels show over booze law

Now, I see this headline and I am interested because I figure maybe it is about some city banning alcohol at its concert venue and the band is protesting such nonsense laws, or something of that nature. Then I read the first line:

"Guns N' Roses canceled a performance in Portland, Maine this week after being told by state officials that the band could not drink on stage."

Axl, you drunk. Need there be any more to the article than that? If you want to read more of it, go ahead, but I didn't, and I see no reason for you too either.

Exhibit B:
Headline: Actress hits elderly woman in wheelchair

Well, naturally I had to find out who, and why anyone would assault and old lady in a wheel chair, so I read the first line and get:

"Hollywood actress Denise Richards hit an 80-year-old woman in a wheelchair with at least one flying laptop Wednesday while battling paparazzi during the filming of her new movie at the River Rock Casino in Richmond.."

Hahahaha, not only did she throw AT LEAST ONE laptop, not only did it somehow manage to hit someone, not only did that person turn out to be an old lady, but she is also in a wheelchair...celebrity news doesn't get much better than that. Read it if you want but I got the whole story in one line.

Finally,
Exhibit C:
Headline: Will The Real Borat Please Stand Up?

I think to myself, could it be possible, Sasha B. Cohen cribbed the idea for this Borat character from some other comedian? Then, the first line:

"Turkish Internet celebrity Mahir Cagri is in London to press his case that he is the inspiration for the spoof Kazakh journalist, the creation of British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen whose Borat movie is taking the world's box office by storm."

The only thing more ridiculous than the possibility of there being 2 comedians playing a "naive", anti-Semitic, misogynistic Kazakh reporter is that there is actually a person willing to proclaim himself the real deal. I'm sure he goes on to defend himself as not being exactly like the character, but why bother reading on.